Random-ness and fun facts about Coco

1. I don't like animals. Some people think that makes me a bad person or defines me. I don't think thats true!

2.I'm allergic to everything (INCLUDING ANIMALS)

3. I know I haven't written for awhile, but I don't tell people I have a blog b/c I'm scared they might read it.

4. I enjoy spending time alone and I don't think that makes me a loser.

5. I love watching trash T.V. but I also enjoy reading books. 

6. I just read 9 books in 2 weeks and it didn't cut into my reality TV!

7. I'm sooooo grateful for my family and thank god for them everyday...(that should be my #1)

8 I have the most amazing friends! I know I can count on them!

9. I think one day I will make a great mom! (If I can be 1/2 the mom I had..I'm good to go!)

9a. I  love my dad! He is the most amazing guy I have ever met! I hope I can marry a man as kind, caring, and giving has him!  (- the  babolyn 5)

10. I've always wanted boys...but deep down think I'll have girls.

10a. If/when i have boys, it will be Vincent Thomas after my dad and grandpa!

10b. AND/OR Gabrielle Marsh, after a friend I lost and my grandpa Ullman!

11. I want a second job and have been applying. I feel selfish for wanting it b/c there are so many people without one! (But if i get offed a second job, I won't turn it down!)

12.  I'm not as tough as everyone thinks I am, but I try!

13. There are very few places in the world that I wouldn't travel.

14. I'm VERY over-optimistic.

15. I wish I was athletic, musically talented, and artistic. But I'm not and embrace my flaws.

16. I love being a girl!!!!

17. I have faith in myself, other people and life in general.

18.  Even though I've been burned, I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to. 

19. I love brushing my teeth and have been told by my dentist to not brush so much.

20. I can name 15 people I've been friends with for 20+ years.

21. I love Indiana, but I don't think I'll live here my whole live.

22. One reason is b/c I hate the snow and cold weather. 

23.  I feel overly blessed and have no clue what I have done to deserve it!!!!!!!!!

24.  I know I have a purpose in life and am waiting for it to happen.

25. I've had to be told (a trillion times by mama) it always works out, no matter how bad it seems at the time it will be ok. 

26.  She's right! 

THE LAST...I want to watch my T.V.

27.......I never want to fail and when I do at something, I'm successful at something else! 

This morning I woke up to hit my snooze button. After I hit it, I hit my head on my headboard. My neck cracked and I saw the same stars Wilde Coyote does when he get knocked the F&@k out by one of those weight thingys. I texted my sister(who is right now the hall) "I've fallen and I can't get up...Bring ice". Of course she slept through it!

This is an e-mail convo between my friend juju and I about the situation. This is a "normal" convo between the two of us. I just thought it was funny! I hope you enjoy!

From Coco

This morning I got into a HUGE fight with my snooze button and headboard (they won). I HURT MAMA! I have a three inch goose egg on my head and I can't move my neck!!!!


From JuJu-
Why wouldn’t ya! I am starting to think that we might need an exorcism or something. You are either possessed by the devil or you are having one long string of BAD LUCK!
Mama……duct tap a bag of frozen peas to your forehead and rock the world tonight……dare ya.

Coco-
I'll totally tell everyone the devil pushed me into my headboard...

Heather to coco - "Coco why can't you move your neck and what's up with that big knot on your head?"
Coco to heather - "The devil pushed me"
Heather to coco - "Oh"

So tonight I say we throw up a tent, light some candles, grab our bibles and bring Jesus back to me!

HEAL ME JUJU HEAL ME!

And if that doesn't work, I'll grab the prettiest sliver duck tape and some brand name peas and dance the night away! I just hope they don't play anything flash dance!

Coco

Where NOT to pick up men...by Coco Channel.



My single friends always wonder where is the best place to pick up men? It seems that everywhere you go in Indiana there are no "good" guys! So instead of dwelling on where to go to meet them...I thought we would weed out the places that wouldn't be ideal to find your soul mate. This is what we came up with.





The self-help section at Borders. (esp drug abuse or alcoholism)



Through your probation officer.



At your family reunion.



A homeless shelter



Truck stops - between the dream catchers and claw game-



Any and all women's restrooms.



incarcerated_people_need_love_2.com


At the children's museum with no children

Those are just a few suggestions. So now that we have those crossed off our lists, we should find guys in no time.

Until next time...

Coco

This is what 35 years of marriage looks like. It looks good to me!

Congrats Mom and Dad! I love you!

Ok...So being on the skinny girl's side really paid off! My pants not only fit but are getting to big! I am no longer living in fear of picking things up off the ground and my pants ripping only to expose my Hanes Her Ways to the world. (Yes I wear Hanes Her Ways....They rock and I rarely have to spend time digging them out of my butt!)

The inches (3 from my waist to be exact) melting away could be b/c i stuck up for the skinny's of the world OR I'm now gluten free and proud!

QUESTION-Gluten free you say? Isn't that a BIG life change!

ANSWER- Yes but I didn't have a choice. After 30 years of binge drinking Miller Lite and gorging on pizza until I was in a coma, my body will no longer tolerate it! Not my choice people....but glad it was made for me!

QUESTION-You loved going to the grocery! How do you feel about it now?

ANSWER-Its OK! It takes about 2 1/2 hours to buy three days worth of food. I HAVE to read EVERY label! AND It costs about 5xs more too! One day when I really know what I'm doing it will be more fun then before!

QUESTION-What did you do when you found out that Papa John's and Blue Moon were off your list for life?

ANSWER- I was planning on strangling the lady and twisting her arm until she screams "uncle" but I had the Aha moment that Oprah always talks about. AHA that's why I haven't felt good in the past 7 months. AHA this will make my very itchy hives go away. AHA this is going to ROCK!

QUESTION-Are people really asking you these questions or are you making them up?

ANSWER-Totally making them up! Its my very own internal dialogue that I'm letting you be part of!


Until next time
Cococ

OK...To write this blog I have to admit something that I'm not really proud of...I was watching the Tyra Banks Show while I was getting ready this morning.

Topic: Skinny girl wears a fat suit to see what its like to be fat. One day in a fat suit to a skinny girl = a lifetime of weight struggle. Fair enough don't ya think?!

So the skinny girl said that it was horrible, but being too skinny (which she claims to be) is just as bad. Which it might be, it's one thing I have yet to experience. Can't really put on a skinny suit now can ya?

So Tyra in all the ghetto she can muster up goes off on this girl. (For full effect, please say in a ghetto voice while shaking your head and pointing your finger in the air)

Have you ever lost a job for being to thin? Do guys turn you down for being too thin? Are the girls in the magazine to thin? Girls in the magazine, girls in magazines...What you talkin' bout Tyra?

I'm normally not one on the skinny chicks side, but I was today. As I was watching shaking my head for more reasons then one, I thought I would write Tyra a letter. But not a real letter (b/c she might think I'm a fan) but a blog...So here it is.

Dearest Ty-Ty,
I being average, if not a little overweight, watched your show today and you were mean to the skinny chick. Mean! Mean! Mean!

The "girl" in the magazine that you were talking about is you. I don't know if you realize this (you should b/c you said it 100 times in the five mins I watched), but not only are you a "top model" but you have a show that puts skinny girls up against each other for the job.

I totally understand that you also spent the day in the fat suit, so you understand everything there is to being an overweight girl. I don't want to take that away from you. I just think before you go yelling at the skinny you should look in the mirror and realize, you are the skinny girl!

Normally I wouldn't care. That was the most I've ever seen of your show, but I just hate seeing skinny girls fight. It makes me sad! :(

Love always,
Coco

It all started last week. I went it for what I thought would be harmless allergy testing. After 47 shots in my arm and a lot of Ooughs and Ahhs from the allergy chick I found out my results.



The allergy chick said (and I quote) "You're allergic to the world" (unquote)! As she looked at me with her best "bless your heart" face. She said the reason you've had hives the last seven months isn't b/c of the medicine like your mom said, but b/c you're on allergy overload. (Allergy chick didn't say the part about the medicine, but I just want to tell mom once again....it wasn't the meds!)



Oh and no beer or pizza...she says.

WHAT???? I was mentally grabbing the allergy chick's arm and twisting it until she said "Uncle." This girl just broke my heart and my spirit!



As she reads off the list, "No cheese" (tear), no nuts ( peaut butter?) "no mushrooms" (tears), no condiments of any kind, (WHAT no ketchup or mayo? BS more tears). So as she is naming off the things I CAN'T have, I'm mentally taking notes of things I can have. Which I think its odd that they list things you can't have, but don't tell you what you can have.



Anyway I degress. While taking mental inventory of what I can't eat, I figured out what I can eat...drum roll please....Chicken and grapes.